Supporting a Friend or Family Member Who Is Being Targeted Online

When someone you care about is being attacked online, it can be hard to know what to say. You may feel angry, helpless or tempted to hit back. Thoughtful support can make a significant difference. This article offers general ideas and does not replace professional advice.

Start by listening

The first and most useful step is often simply to listen. Let the person describe what has happened in their own words and at their own pace. Try to avoid rushing to solutions. Phrases that help include:

• “I’m sorry this is happening to you.”
• “That sounds really hard.”
• “It is not your fault.”
• “What would help most right now?”

Things that tend not to help

Well-meaning remarks can sometimes make a person feel worse:

• “Just ignore it.” Ignoring may be a good strategy, but telling someone to do it can sound dismissive.
• “Why did you post that?” Questions that hint at blame suggest the target caused the abuse.
• “It’s only the internet.” For the person involved, it is very real.
• Reacting more strongly than they do. Anger on their behalf may add to their stress.

Offer practical help

Many people feel overwhelmed and welcome concrete assistance. You might offer to:

• help collect screenshots and record dates,
• sit with them while they report content to a platform,
• review privacy settings together,
• monitor messages for a while so they can take a break,
• check in on a regular basis by message or phone.

Always ask first. Taking over someone’s accounts without agreement can feel intrusive.

Watch for signs of distress

Keep an eye out for changes that suggest the person is struggling more than they are saying: withdrawal, loss of sleep, loss of interest in things they usually enjoy, or talk of feeling hopeless. If you are worried about their safety, it is appropriate to ask directly whether they have thoughts of harming themselves, and to encourage them to speak to a doctor or a support service. Samaritans, Calm, MIND and SANE were among the organisations listed by the original campaign, and similar help exists in many places. In an emergency, contact local emergency services.

Be careful about replying publicly

It can be tempting to confront the abuser in public. This sometimes helps, but it can also escalate the situation and draw more attention to the target. Ask the person what they would prefer, and consider reporting abusive content instead of engaging with it.

Look after yourself too

Supporting someone through a difficult period can be tiring. Make sure you have your own sources of support and that you take breaks.

Where to go next

For a step-by-step list the person can follow, see what to do if you are being trolled. To understand the emotional impact, read about how online abuse affects wellbeing. The home page lists organisations that can help.

A few phrases to keep in mind

If you freeze, a simple script can help: acknowledge the feeling, say you are on their side and ask how you can help. For example, you might say that you are glad they told you, that you believe them and that you will help in whatever way suits them. Following up a day or two later shows that your concern was not a one-off, and it gives the person a chance to say more once the first shock has passed.